by Doris Wong
Every meeting has a Jokemaster to add some levity. Doris had us in stitches with this one.
I was leaving the liquor store after buying some wine, and I saw a bum sitting outside beside the door. He was pretty rough-looking – ripped clothes, unshaven – and he smelled like he hadn’t showered in a month.
“Can you give me a dollar?” he said.
I shook my head. “No. If I give you a dollar, you’re just going to buy booze with it.”
“I don’t drink,” he told me. “This is just a good place to sit. So how about it? Will you give me a dollar?”
I shook my head again. “Maybe you don’t drink. But I’ll bet you save up the money you get and you go blow it at the casino when you leave.”
“No.” His voice was earnest. “I never gamble.”
“Fine,” I said. “If I give you $20, will you come home with me?”
The man looked at me a bit strangely. “Are you propositioning me?”
I eyed him back, and caught a waft of strong stale urine odor. “No. I just want to show my husband the kind of person I’ll become if I stop drinking and gambling.”